For A Friend…

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When I logged in to Plurk this morning I had a bit of a shock.

My dearest, closest Second Life buddy had deleted her Second Life account overnight.

To be frank, it was something I had had an inkling that may happen, but not with such finality. I’d envisioned her taking  a break from Second Life, but her leaving it entirely didn’t enter my mind. Second Life was too important to her to warrant such drastic action, and besides,  she’d built up a formidable reputation in-world and had a large network of  friends.  But her heart was broken. You see, no matter what people say about virtual worlds, the emotions are VERY real. Some people do play at the emotional game, but for others the feelings are genuine.  Behind every avatar is a real person after all.

In November 2009 my friend was married in Second Life, something that she took incredibly seriously, and she lived a deliriously happy virtual experience with her partner.

Then, fifteen weeks ago, her partner stopped logging in-world.

There was no warning, nothing to indicate anything was wrong.

Of course in real life this would be alarming, terrifying even, and it was just the same in-world. Seeing my poor friend in such pain with no way of knowing what had happened to her partner was simply dreadful.

Each day she would log-in hoping for a sign that her beloved had been in-world. A message, even if it was just to say that she was OK but wouldn’t be coming back,  would have been horrendous to receive, but better than nothing.

All these weeks my pal has lingered in-world, hoping for a sign that her partner would return, but there has been no communication. No note, no message; it’s as though her partner had never existed. 

My buddy’s enthusiasm for the virtual world she called home  inevitably started to wane. How could she enjoy the metaverse without her dear partner her side?

Her decision to leave Second Life has left me bereft, but acutely aware of the impact a virtual relationship can have.

If you are going to enter into a serious relationship in Second Life  I implore you to please set some ground rules, such as these:

  • If you commit to another avatar realise that you aren’t just doing this in a virtual environment but also, to some extent, in a real-life environment too. Establish your boundaries early in the relationship.
  •  Just as you should always be genuine about your feelings in real life, be clear about them in Second Life.
  • If you enter a relationship with someone in the metaverse then PLEASE set ground-rules for your relationship and stick to them like glue.  You are dealing with people’s emotions after all, to do anything else would be cruel.
  • PLEASE have some sort of real-life contact system in place. Even if your relationship is only based in Second Life, please try and have a way of communicating outside of it in case of emergencies. For example, have an e-mail address that you can use if something happens and you won’t be able to log-in world for a time, or ask a trusted mutual friend to assist you in keeping the lines of communication open between you.
  • If you decide to leave Second Life for whatever reason you OWE it to your partner to share with them the reasons why. It’s common decency, and no matter how difficult  it may be to do this it’s necessary to allow them to move forward and get over the relationship. Yes, you may hurt them in the short term, but better that than leaving them to worry and wonder for months and even years to come.

Fortunately I know that I have made a dear friend for life whom I will be able to keep in touch with outside of Second Life, but it pains me that I won’t have the pleasure of her company as an avatar ever again.We’d been friends for a very long-time in-world, and made a lot of happy memories, so it is very hard saying goodbye, but I understand why she has made the decision to do this, and I can only wish her love and happiness in her future, something that she truly deserves.

So long Cyberpink, I will miss you xxx

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4 Comments

  1. I don’t want to take over your comments with ME TOO but I understand how she feels, as this is exactly what is happening to me too and I am also on the brink of never coming back. My love stopped logging in just over 2 months ago and I truly feel there is nothing left for me now. So yes please. Listen to what Kitty is saying in this blog if you have an SL relationship because the feelings don’t stop when we log off.

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  2. One of my Best Friends left Second Life and we all left dozens of messages but nothing for more then a year, and when she returned she acted like nothing had happened. Two years later she did the same thing again but now she knew she was hurting people by not saying anything. She popped online after 5 months and I think she is logging in about every day for the last year but she never bothers to ask how I am. The first time she left because she wanted to play a differend game with her son. The second time who knows. I tried to contact her and ask her how she is doing but I never got a reaction.

    If just a friend could hurt you that much by leaving without giving a reason then I don’t want to imagine how much it would hurt if your partner would do this to you. I wish your friend the best and thank you for writing this down.

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  3. I have left Second Life once for around 6 months because I just enrolled into college. But I kept my connection with my friends through the SL feeds. I like to think my relationship in every game I play is real even though the opposite take it as granted. I’m blessed to have my bestie/twinnie sis with me all the way ever since we meet 6 years ago in a different game. We still act like we’re twin around each other. But yes, what Kitty said is very true and emotional things that happens in virtual world may stay in there but the impact of it can be great in the real word.

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  4. […] me they’ve included losing a dear Second Life friend, moving my virtual home and deciding to completely change the styling of my living room.  […]

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