She’s Gone….

Dee died at 3am this morning. Her family were with her. I had wanted to be there but apparently the end came fast and there wasn’t time to call me. To be honest I’m grateful it was quick, as when I saw her on Sunday it was clear that her condition had rapidly deteriorated and she was clearly uncomfortable. However, on Saturday we were blessed to have a good thirty minutes worth of conversation-we giggled, shared some memories and all of the warm wishes that so many had passed on to me in SL for her were shared. She really was chuffed to pieces that ‘The Crown and Pearl’ had fundraised in her honour..she thought that was brilliant, so thank you Bails, Prad and everyone involved. I also told her that there were DJ sets dedicated to her, she was equally pleased about that too. I think it says a lot about her strength of character when I tell you that on Saturday she said to me ‘I need to go now, I’ve had enough’. She’d had this rotten disease exactly 3 years and given it everything that she possibly could, undergoing chemo, radiotherapy and brain surgery just before Christmas. I’d seen my beautiful bubbly chum reduced to a mere shadow of her former self but throughout it all the stubborn wench’s strength of character and wonderful sense of humour remained. She wasn’t daft though-she knew that this Cancer could not be beaten. It really was everywhere..and nothing could be done to stop it. Steroids helped reduce tumour swelling, but as anyone who has taken them will know that they come with a whole shed-load of side effects. Dee hoped to stop taking them but alas, that didn’t happen. In the past 3 years she did whatever she could whenever she could, knowing that time was slowly trickling away…this meant that she jumped out of a plane to raise funds for Breast Cancer Research, even though the silly moo was petrified of heights! (First words when she landed? “I want to do it again!”) She got in touch with Aubrey ( the bassist in Faithless) and we went to their concert together and met the band afterwards, which she was giddy as a schoolgirl about. We went to see Kylie on her ‘Showgirls’ tour together..this was particularly special because Kylie was diagnosed with the same kind of cancer in the same week as Dee. We had a whale of a time, waving sparkly wands around and being complete girly-girls about the whole thing. She went to NYC, home to her beloved ‘Sex and the City’, and went on the SATC tour and was buzzing about it when she got back. ( She even brought me a small whip key-ring from the sex shop featured in the series:) When she found out that there was going to be a SATC movie she was determined that she was going to be around to see it, and on reflection I really think she willed herself to go on for as long as she could until she’d seen the blinking thing. At Christmas Dee was in her own flat, something that I am so glad she managed to achieve. It was a beautiful place, and even better it was literally five minutes away from me, so that meant we could see lots of each other. We had a great time at Yuletide, and amongst the gifts she gave me was a diary, inside the date 18th July was circled..she’d bought us tickets to see Kylie again..woot! March came and it became all too clear that she couldn’t manage in her flat on her own, so she moved back home to be with her parents. After a bit of a scare she rallied around again and seemed to be stable. Her bones were starting to suffer though, and it became clear that her tumours were spreading into her pelvis and her shoulder. She’d long since given up driving ( you can’t drive after extensive brain surgery) and that had meant she’d had to sell her beloved MG, ‘Myrtle’. Now she was having to use a wheelchair-but it had MG stickers on it so that was ok. We spoke a lot by phone, and I was really pleased when she managed to go on holiday to Jersey a few weeks ago. By all accounts she had a great time, imbibed lots of Baileys ( her favourite tipple) and only spent one day in bed out of the entire week. She’d only been back a week when she texted me to say that she was feeling poorly and didn’t think she was going to make Kylie. To be perfectly honest that was the least of my worries, but then all of a sudden her condition had really deteriorated, and on Friday night she came home for the last time, ironically around the same time that Kylie would have been walking out on stage. I knew on Saturday when I saw her that it wouldn’t be long, certainly not the couple of weeks predicted. For that I am grateful. When I had last seen her, just a few weeks before, we went to see ‘Sex and the City’ and she had looked radiant (we concluded that it was a combination of radiation and MAC make-up..she was bloody addicted to that stuff and got me addicted too, lol) Her chops were a mass of freckles, much to her disdain. Trust me though she looked great and she was so chuffed when we took our seats in the cinema and settled down to watch the movie she had longed for. I blubbed practically all the way through the film, much to her amusement..but it wasn’t just the trials and tribulations of the ladies on screen that had me weeping, it was the fact that I was here with my friend accomplishing the one thing left on her list. I still thought that she would see the year out though at the very least, but as many people who have been through the same will know that fate can sometimes make events change very quickly. On Saturday it was clear from her colour that her liver was failing, although we joked about her having a cracking tan that David Dickinson would have been proud of. Although extremely tired, she was lucid and we chatted in our usual manner about life in general, both real and second. She missed Second Life so much. I’d introduced her to it last year and it became her saviour, as it allowed her to socialise with people when she was feeling really crappy. (It also allowed her to do really mucky things with her boyfriend who in reality lived over a hundred miles away..I think her first week in SL was spent in orgy rooms!) She even treated herself to a new laptop so she could enjoy it all the more, but her eyesight began to deteriorate after the brain surgery and her time in-world became less and less, to her evident disappointment. But when she was in world she had a fantastic time…like me she loved shopping ( I always got the, ‘It’s your fault! I had to buy it after you blogged it!’ excuse..) and she even set up a little store in-world offering oracle card readings opposite me in Angel square. We were never apart often, and SL was a great playground for us to enjoy together. Yesterday before I went to see her I went in world for a bit and mooched around..I’d seen all the Relay for Life events that were going on around the grid and although I’d donated to them in Dee’s honour and enjoyed the fundraising activities I actually wanted to spend some time alone. In a world as vast as Second Life is that’s very easy to do. I ended up venturing into places that I have never been..to under-sea paradises where Mermaids play beneath the waves. No idea what led me to these areas, but it was complete escapism..Having never had any desire to be a mermaid(except when I was a very little girl) here I was frolicking around under the waves, and it occurred to me that Dee would absolutely love it. It was just her sort of thing..the colours ( she loved ‘pwetty’ colours, LOL) the sights..the beauty of the places that I found. I lost myself in it completely and then set off to see my friend, filled to the brim with tales to tell her..perhaps I could even boot her laptop up and show her what I’d found, I knew she’d love it. I had no idea that it would be the last time I ever saw her alive. When I walked in to the living room at her parents house all you could hear was the sound of Dee breathing..she wasn’t struggling but her breathing was heavy. It was obvious that her condition had deteriorated and I knew then that she didn’t have long left. Although there was silence, the room was filled with sunshine. Dee was moving about in her sleep and asked for some more Morphine but soon fell back into unconsciousness. I stayed for a good while, then went to cuddle her goodbye, and whispered into her ear ‘I love you’. She whispered back, ‘I love you too’ and squeezed my hand, so those were the last words that we ever said to each other. Her very last words were ‘I’m going’, and then she breathed her last. It feels very strange at the moment, almost surreal to know that she isn’t alive anymore. Have you ever considered how much we take life for granted? Despite her passing I’m sat at my desk at work this morning because I need to focus on something else I guess. If I’m honest I don’t think it’s hit me yet..I’m conscious that I’m shaking and I had a cry this morning, but I don’t feel nearly as weepy as I thought I would..I guess that will happen at the funeral which i think is going to be on Friday, and in-between. I’ll be going to see her at the Chapel of Rest, although I know that she won’t really be there, and I’ll be helping her family with the funeral too. They’ve asked me to be strong for them and I have promised them that I will be. It will be a Humanist service, because although Dee was Pagan like myself I think she wanted to keep the service neutral for all those attending, and I’m pretty sure that the place will be rammed. I hope to say a few words, perhaps read out a few of her favourite poems. Her plan was always to be interred at a local woodland burial site, but alas her Father has visited the area and found it to be pretty unkempt with fly-tipping galore, so instead she will be buried close to her home. But regardless of wherever she is laid to rest, I will always carry my beloved best friend in my heart as long as I live, and when my time comes I know she’ll be there waiting for me. I love you Dionne xxx

16 thoughts on “She’s Gone….”

  1. F*ck it, i’m crying here. I didn’t get to meet Dee much in SL, but every time that I did, we had fun, we danced, I played her Faithless records and so on.

    I’m just so truly gutted that she’s gone.

    Kitty, there is a huge hug waiting for you when I see you hun. Take care, see you when you’re up to it.

    Love, Amanda x

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  2. Awww Kitty. 😦 I’m soo incredibly saddened that she’s gone. I’m here for ya hon, major hugs waiting for you at the Crown and on Angel Square.

    Love to Di’s family. Some lights can’t be extinguished no matter what and hers is one of them.

    Love and hugs,
    BL

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  3. *hugs*

    Don’t know what to say.. we’re all here for you and for each other.

    May God rest her soul in peace.

    Prad

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  4. What a lovely tribute to a lovely, lovely person.

    I have had the pleasure of chatting to Dee over the last few years. We were diagnosed with breast cancer at around the same time. We had our operations on the same day and are a similar age so were drawn to each other I guess. Sadly her journey went down a different path to me…

    I’m pleased to see I wasn’t the only one she blamed for all her shopping 🙂 I think between us we have done a pretty good job keeping the economy going! I will miss her egging me on to buy something completely random. She was like my personal shopper!

    She spoke about you a lot – I know you were very good friends. I’m really glad you got the chance to tell each other how you felt before she died.

    I’m going to miss her a lot, but it must be tons harder for you.

    Thanks for sharing your lovely thoughts

    Jo (she knew me as Jopurple) x

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  5. I’ve known Dee in RL (not as well as Kitty but I’m proud to call her my friend).

    I’ve had the hardest day of my life today, trying to pretend all was normal at work, finally got home and have been crying ever since (6 hours straight).

    I’m one of her friends from the MG scene, forums.mg-rover.org, known over there as cjmillsnun or just cj. I was one of the mad fools she met up with on a drunken trip to Scotland. We’d been chatting on MSN (this large group of MG friends) for quite a while – none of us had ever met. But we still hatched this hair brained plan to go to this guys engagement party in Scotland. That meet was important for a number of reasons, the biggest one for Dee was meeting her partner James.

    I met her and James a few times after that, on various meets, including V2006, where Dee, James, Helen (my partner in RL) and I all saw Faithless. We all got drenched that day but OMG it was worth it.

    Later on, when I had moved down south, the MSN convos dwindled out, but there was one more meet where we met a German MG friend Stephan (known on my forum as Herbie).

    One thing struck me about Dee, her strength of spirit. If I ever meet one person again with even a quarter of the strength of spirit she had…….. Sorry I’m crying all over my keyboard now.

    RIP Dee, you’re in a better place now.

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  6. Dee was by far the most strongest and bravest woman I had ever met, even if it was only through Second Life. I wish I could have had the honour of meeting her for real.

    She is an inspiration to all, to any of us whenever we feel slightly down. Dee suffered far worse but still lived the remainder of her life to the full. It really does put things into perspective.

    May she rest in peace – she is in a better world now.

    xxxxx

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  7. My heart goes out to you and yours. My loss of a dear friend 6 yrs ago follows much of the same as what DeeDee went through….and as an observer it is painful to watch… all your words up there bring it back to my mind and heart again like yesterday.

    It’s amazing to me the strength people find within to fight cancer… I can only hope I have the same resolve if I ever have to fight the fight myself.

    She was blessed with friends like you and the above and i’m sure she knew it. May we all be so blessed.

    I wish I had had the opportunity to know her… and feel I got a sliver of a glimpse from this post… She sounds amazing.

    Blessed be,
    Stephen Venkman

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  8. Stephen,

    She truely was amazing. I’m going to be honest, and I’m sure Kitty won’t mind this.

    Dee could and did vent, there were times when she felt like giving in.

    She was a human being after all.

    However part of her would never give up, and she retained the ability to smile and live what was left of her life.

    She genuinely touched everyone she knew and with her, whether you were on the internet or seeing her in real life, what you saw was what you got. She was the same person to everyone and was 100% honest.

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  9. I didn’t get to meet DeeDee, but I knew about her… I’ve read the notice in Prad’s flickr… I’m so sorry, guys…
    My nanny died of cancer when I was a kid, I know it’s not the same, but I can understand you. Don’t forget her and the stars will shine brighter because of her…
    If you ever need something, Sara and I are here for you.

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  10. I am so terribly sorry for your loss. Please accept my heartfelt condolences, and though I am reading this post a bit late, I am lighting a candle for Dee right now. {{hugs}}

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  11. Hi Kitty, I was at Dee’s funeral today (long haired old hippy with Max & Lorna), just wanted to say what a touching speech you gave, Yourself and Dee were very lucky to have each other as friends.

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